A Few Good Salesmen

The strife between sales and the other parts of an organization is a truism.  Being mostly on the sales side of the companies I have been with, I can relate to this parody (via Paul Kedrosky).

[Instructions: Make sure you read it in character. (Jack Nicholson as VP Sales and Tom Cruise as VP Finance in "A Few Good Men").]

Sales Guy: "You want answers?"

Finance Guy: "I think we are entitled to them!"

Sales Guy: "You want answers?!"

Finance Guy: "I want the truth!"

Sales
Guy: "You can’t handle the truth!!!" (continuing): "Son, we live in a
world that requires revenue. And that revenue must be brought in by
people with elite skills. Who’s going to find it? You? You, Mr.
Finance? We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom.
You scoff at sales divisions and you curse our lucrative incentives.
You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know:
that while the cost of business results are excessive, it brings in
revenue. And my very existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to
you, drives REVENUE! You don’t want to know the truth because deep down
in places you don’t talk about at staff meetings … you want me on
that call. You NEED me on that call!

We use words like Volume
Rebates, Co-op , discounts, buy backs, cost adjustments, purchase
agreements. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent
negotiating something. You use them as a punch line! I have neither the
time nor inclination to explain myself to people who rise and sleep
under the very blanket of revenue I provide and then question the
manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you"
and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a phone and make
some sales calls. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you’re
entitled to!"

Finance Guy: "Did you expense the lap dances?"

Sales Guy: "I did the job I was hired to do."

Finance Guy: "Did you expense the lap dances?"

Sales Guy: "You’re goddamn right I did!"

UPDATE: This hilarious prank was in Paul’s comments.  If you like the movie, check it out.

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